Cat-astrophes

1) Have a packing list - organise your bags well before your due date. This gives you something to do whilst in labour (like checking your things will take your mind off the stabbing sensation in your pelvis) and enables you to feel in control - as lets face it - a heavy nappy bag could easily double as a weapon.

The wonderful thing about my bag packing effort was that I split things up into multiple bags and labelled them feeling like supermum already - 'labour', 'for baby', 'after labour' (in case 'postnatal' got lost in translation during the mayhem) and 'extra supplies'. That last one I was most proud if because it was evidence that I was prepared for anything. Until my support crew left the lot in the car anyway and my newborn ended up with a folded vest on her head because she didn't have a cap to keep her warm in the first few hours of her life. Already midwives were casting scornful 'negligent parent' looks at the one who didn't pack their winter baby any clothes.

2) Prepare meals in advance - You will appreciate having pre-prepared meals once your new little bundle comes along - let's face it - it'll save your marriage - although you might be more than happy with toasted cheese sandwiches and cup-a-soup, your significant other may start to feel neglected.

You will also need back up in case of well wishers who volunteer to drop off a meal and then turn up with some vegetarian dish that would see any meat-loving male packing their bags and running screaming for the hills. (Just kidding, Amy....we loved it...really. Mung beans are my favourite)

3) Keep your petrol tank full - So that might sound like a given but you'll be wishing you listened when your driver has to pull in to a service station with your legs sprawled apart on the dashboard. Mind you it's also a certain way to jump the queue...

4) Have a back up plan - babies are seldom considerate so forget convenience. If there is ever a moment not to be born you can guarantee it will come then. However this wasn't our case. Our little one chose Daddy's day off. How thoughtful.

This one also applies to birth plans. You know those things they get you to write while you were in a right frame of mind so when you get to the other side you can mock the pre-labour you..."no drugs? Oh good luck honey. You try telling yourself its all mind over matter..."

Stay tuned for another installment. If I ever get around to it that is...

So the plan was to have a beautiful, graceful drug-free hypnobirth and come out the other side 3 days later with make up intact, cleaning done, baby sleeping and a tea in hand whilst typing away about how wonderful motherhood is.

Instead I was cut open after a plethora of pain relievers, opted for early discharge after 4 days because my 'roomie's' Big Fat Egyptian Family came to stay in and out of visiting hours, and set out on a 6 week recovery, crying bub attached to bleeding nipples, dreaming of a shower whilst my hubby did the house work.

I've installed a Blogging app on my phone. With a bit of luck I can provide a chuckle with my good old friend 'autocorrect'.

Okay so maybe I'm being a little dramatic. I wasn't *that* naive, however I also wasn't *that* prepared for what was in store either.

This little thing cries at me, pukes on me, poos on me, keeps me awake at night, is the reason for my oily hair, daggy trackies, stretchmarks and floppy belly...but she melts my heart. With one gaze, goo or gassy smile she has me in pieces. And I wasn't prepared for that.